I was recently watching The Chef Show on Netflix. It’s hosted by Jon Favreau (Movie director of Iron Man, Lion King, The Jungle Book, actor). He was visiting Wolfgang Puck’s steakhouse in Las Vegas, and was grilling steaks in front of Wolfgang. He then handed one of them off to Wolfgang to inspect. Wolfgang cut it open, saw the perfect medium rare, and then they had this exchange:
Wolfgang: Jon, you know what? Forget about the movie business. You can come and work with us and get a real job. Your father would be proud of you. Like, “Finally!”
Jon: Yes. “Finally”. It’s true. Doing something.
Wolfgang: Yeah, doing something real.
I lost my breath from this exchange. They were being facetious, but were obviously speaking a common thing. Here’s Jon Favreau, director of multiple billion dollar movies being joked about how his father isn’t proud of his work.
This cut me down because I’ve lived it.
My father worked in construction and on farms his whole life. In his 70s, he still grows vegetables on his land. He only knows hard work.
He has never understood what I did, or what I do, or how it’s possible I’ve had success doing it.
His lack of understanding it is so great he has skipped me over in his will, making sure my children (his grandchildren) get their share of his estate and that I don’t.
When I confronted him about his decision (and the insult to put my children’s inheritance in the hands of someone else for safe keeping) he flat out told me he doesn’t get what I do, and what’s to stop me from wasting his money.
“Christopher, you don’t have a job. You don’t work anywhere.”
He has no comprehension of the things I do, or that you can leverage your mind and creativity. That you can create “value” and not just trade your time for money.
That these Hollywood people were joking about it on the show made me feel seen. I also realized, that this experience must be so common, that they would joke about it like they did. I wasn’t alone.
I’m sure these insidious lessons I absorbed from childhood fed my later imposter syndrome and why it took me a long time to value my work.
I can hear my fathers voice in my head: How dare you make the kind of money you make without going into a job every day?
Seeing this exchange on the show made me feel better about my own experience with my father. It’s a generational thing. Then I affirmed to myself that I wouldn’t fall into the same trap with my own kids. If they end up doing things I just don’t understand and go about it in ways I don’t get, that will be ok.
I pride myself on doing things for the first time. I will no longer be angry at my father for not seeing it.
Where have these types of lessons come up for you in your own life? How does it affect your own self-worth?
