On my recent “Ask Me Anything” someone inquired about what I refer to as “deep work”. This is an abstract thought and term, and this morning I was inspired to write this article about it.
I would describe it as a culmination of everything I’ve been doing these last 4 years. Of a journey looking inward. Of understanding myself. Of healing. Of learning what drives me, and why I do things. Of learning what my “winning strategies” are, and being far more intentional with them. Of moving from “unconscious competence”, where I operated for most of my life, to “conscious competence”. Lately, it’s about moving to “mastery”, where I can teach others.
For many years I lived feeling like an imposter. And this is an important distinction: I said feeling like an imposter, because I wasn’t actually one. I didn’t fool anyone. I was only fooling myself.
The deep work I did on myself was learning to realize that. Of seeing in myself what everyone else sees.
The ultimate expression of this culminated in what I describe as my “Statement of Being”. That I can articulate in simple language who I am. This isn’t about what I do, or labels, but about truths about myself. I know they are true because they are retroactively provable, not aspirational.
One of my first breakthrough thoughts around this depth was breaking away from labels or roles I inhabit to describe myself. Being a DJ, or entrepreneur, and even being a father and husband, are all roles I fill, sometimes for a very long time. But through this “deep work”, I started to see myself through new language. The word “audacious” came to me early, and changed how I see myself.
On the same call I was asked about how I had the courage to make the bold changes in my life, switching from one career to another. This is my audacity on display when I do such things.
All of this used to be unknown to me. I just did it, without thinking about it. Worse, I had shame about it. Every time I started something new I was ashamed at how “new” I was. I would hide and fake that I was more accomplished than I was. I ignored the previous chapters of my life, thinking they had little value to me, and certainly no value in marketing this new part of my life.
The worst example of this was when I co-founded my tech company and literally invented a different name, because I thought it would be a negative to the business if people learned the creator of it was a former DJ and hypnotist with no formal training.
I’ve learned now how awesome people find that part of my life, that I did such things. That I didn’t let a little thing like not having an education in the field I was pursuing stop me from doing that thing. That I simply learned enough to solve the problem I was facing. That I was so audacious to even attempt it and didn’t create stories in my head about why I shouldn’t.
I see it now. Even better, I can turn it on at will. I can challenge myself to be audacious. It feels good when I do.
This blog represents me not hiding from the world anymore. I tell my story powerfully and without shame. You watch me do my “deep work” every week, in real time, in front of you.
I regularly challenge myself to do things that scare me. Because I know I am changed when I do them. I’ve also learned this about myself. I do it with intention now.
This past week on my Ask Me Anything, I spoke openly about how I was feeling in that moment. Of about past shames that drive me to do what I do now. It’s scary at first to make yourself vulnerable in that way, instead of pretending to be the perfect expert. But that isn’t the story I want to tell of myself anymore and I know it creates a far more powerful connection with everyone in the room to let them know exactly how I’m feeling.
I share what I’ve learned with the people who have interest in learning from me. A role I’m learning to inhabit now is as author, of taking this learning, these abstract thoughts, this “deep work”, and being able to communicate them in an accessible way to others. What I’m offering is to share my experience of all of this, and that has never been told before.
I’m doing it right now. The model I’ve developed is simple: “I’m going to tell you something about myself, and now I’m going to invite you to reflect on how this is true for you”. I wouldn’t have been able to develop that without this “deep work”.
This deep work has allowed me to trust myself. To not follow a rigid framework or modality. I allow myself to simply be me. To understand the priceless value I can provide by doing so. That I am unique, and at the same time I know I’m not any more special than you. I just happened to learn these things about myself, and you are capable of the same, in your own unique way.
Of what I just shared, what had the biggest impact on you?
