Recently, I watched an HBO documentary series called “The Anarchists” about an anarchist collective in Acapulco, Mexico. They thought they had the answers for all the world’s problems, as they saw them. My biggest take away came later in the series when one of the founders realized they were all a bunch of broken people trying to change the world and that they needed to heal themselves first.
It made me ponder about where else I see this play out. Where else do I see broken people, sometimes with immense power, trying to change the world into their image?
I think about my own naiveté, going back to my early 20s when I was promoting raves, that we thought we had it figured out and were onto something bigger that would “change the world” (in the most vague of senses).
I even think of more recent thoughts I’ve had, of a “Star Trek future”. It’s a lovely vision, but what happens when your vision of a utopia and mine aren’t the same? Who wins out? Wars have been fought over that sort of conflict.
I think about my own healing journey, which is never completed, however I can tell I’m in a different place now than where I once was. I have more focus and clarity of my gifts and where to deploy them.
Like the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer; have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I’ll ask how I can be of service and not push solutions on people I think need saving. No one can actually be “saved” without wanting that.
I’ll humbly remind myself to give people what they need, not what I want them to have.
I acknowledge that the work never stops, that I am constantly evolving. I haven’t actually gotten anywhere, except the starting point for my next chapter. A chapter I’m challenging myself to be my greatest chapter.
I’m trying to navigate this paradox of wanting to create the positive impact I desire, of wanting to use my good fortune and this place I am in my life, and the knowledge that I can’t change anything but me. I’ll simply ask how I can be of service and let whatever happens after that happen. I’ll model what’s possible by showing and not telling.
“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.” – Rumi (1207 – 1273)
That quote is 800 years old. These are not new truths. The irony is that a broken person doesn’t see themselves as broken.
And where this leads me today is to simply write about it and share what I’ve learned and where I am in this process. A process of healing, because in the end a healing person knows there is no “healed”. We can only be on a journey of healing.
And from this healing place I will create the impact I desire, but not to “change” the world, only to be of service within it.
