For reasons I cannot explain clearly, my momentum on my book has stalled. I went from being excited and inspired, to days and weeks passing with no progress. Once I hosted my recent Zoom on my creation process (with the actual evidence held in my hands of my past books), something about the whole project evaporated for me.
It’s clear to me a large contributing factor is that I’ve already done this before. I’ve created books, and done so at break-neck speed, and now I have literally taught my process. “Going back to the well” isn’t working for me.
Teaching my process on the Zoom was the edge for me, to go from conscious competence to mastery, and teach my methods. Once I finished with that, I had nothing left.
I’m driven by doing audacious things, things never done before, things that can only be described as “fucking awesome”. Using my own template to create a book is not lighting me up the same way.
I could fight through this, but I’m choosing not to. The bigger lesson and invitation here is to listen to myself. How can I alter and change my process to crank up the awesomeness for me? What new form can my book take? I’m asking these questions to myself to open myself to a new possibility.
I’m taking my own past advice, and instead of berating myself, I’ve created a list of my victories from this past month alone. I’m challenging the story that I’ve “done nothing” (My challenge to that story was : Is it really true?). I filled a page. This is my “done list”. I’m proud of it. Telling myself I’ve done nothing is a lie.
I also know that I can best serve others by being real. I’m being real right now. You don’t always go from victory to victory. Even from an idea that seemed exciting for a hot second.
So I’m officially removing the June 10th date from my book until I figure out a new way to go about it, rather than make it drudge work. This book will be moved to “in progress”.
And maybe these are the lessons I need to learn from this process.
But I know one of my past lessons very well: Every regret I’ve ever had in life was from not listening to my gut. I’m choosing to listen to myself right now.
I didn’t predict that when I invited you to a front-row seat to me completing this book, it would include this bump, but that’s the best lesson I can offer on keeping it real.
I’m simply not motivated by going backwards and doing something I’ve already done before (look at my varied work history to see this again and again).
There needs to be a challenge for me. Something that’s never been done before (often by no one). There needs to be a personal risk to me. There needs to be an aspect of danger.
The words “fucking awesome” need be felt by me around it.
I’m proud of myself for how quickly I can identify this in myself now and fall back to listening to my gut, rather than spend an extended amount of time in the pain of forcing myself to do something or wallowing in self-judgement.
Now that I’ve declared this, I am curious what will happen next. Not knowing is part of the fun.
Maybe this will become a chapter in the book itself. There is literally a lesson here about the challenge of finding other motivations within yourself when money and survival isn’t what is driving you. It has to come from another place. You’re watching me work through that challenge in real time. Coming to this conclusion excites me, and I only got here because I was willing to examine myself and change gears. That’s why I know it was the right decision.
I’m curious, what was your biggest take-away from me sharing this with you?
