As someone who suffered from crippling imposter syndrome for many years (and eventually overcame it and even wrote a book about it), I am very familiar with the feelings of being a fake, of thinking someone is going to find out the truth, and everything I have is at risk.
There can be no expansion without contraction, and those years of contraction, no matter how painful, were an essential part of the expansion I’ve been experiencing more recently. I’ve gotten so good at owning my story – my whole story, that I can do something audacious like even introduce myself to a room with the worst things I can think of about why I’m not qualified to be there, and turn it around immediately into a powerful statement of those things being my exact priceless contribution to that same room.
The first step was recognizing it, then I was able to do something about it.
Since we’re complicated human beings, all of us, the work never stops. As much as we might wish we can attain some sort of enlightenment or pass some sort of finish line, there isn’t one. Only the next level of the work for you to uncover. You’ve been watching me work through this in real time.
I hadn’t realized I had been dealing with a new block, this time showing up as confusion, preventing me answering the most simple of questions like “What do you want?”
Upon reflection, the confusion was acting with positive intention, to prevent me from feelings of guilt. Specifically, guilt of my success. Frankly, I was feeling guilty that I was happy with my life. Talk about a no-win proposition!
If success is creating guilt, and that makes me feel bad, then confusion was trying to help me – while at the same time blocking me from the things I most want.
Upon doing some more research on this topic, I’ve learned that this is often referred to as Success Guilt.
The key differentiator between Success Guilt and Imposter Syndrome, is that with imposter syndrome you feel like you don’t belong. You feel like you are the fake that doesn’t belong in the room.
Success Guilt is all about feeling like you don’t deserve something. In this case, the success in your life. And that leads to guilt. Guilt further masked by confusion.
The insidious thing in my case was that I wasn’t even aware any of this was going on.
In hindsight, I can see I have felt versions of this for years. I can think of many times when people want to help me, and are asking me simple questions of how they could help, and I never had an answer for them.
It’s no surprise to me that my greatest accomplishment this year, of attending the COP28 climate conference, was not because I asked for it but because I was invited to it. I’ve had so much trouble answering “What’s Next?” I literally banned myself from asking it. And that opened up the space for this latest exploration.
Just like I became a master of overcoming imposter syndrome, I will master overcoming Success Guilt. It’s already begun.
