A couple of weeks ago I handed over the first draft of next book (Unorthodox Success, Secret Shame) to my wife, Robin, to edit and review. When she was done, she had sent me the file back with notes.
The next morning as I reviewed the notes, I immediately began to start doubting myself.
What were Robin’s constructive and instructive feedback, I saw as evidence that I had bitten off more than I can chew. That I had put myself at risk of public humiliation because I had already announced I was doing this book.
I doubted everything. Doubted my ability to finish it. Doubted the path I created to get myself to the end. Doubted the strategy I used of mining my blog for material. I had fear about this book being for sale on Amazon for the world. The shame I would feel with having something out there that sucked.
A few hours later when I spoke with Robin about it, she made it clear I had it completely wrong.
“No, the book is really good, these are the things I saw to improve it, and it wasn’t many.”
I had such clarity in that moment. My mind was so quick to paint a worst-case-scenario for me. I had gone full-blown nuclear, over comments that ultimately weren’t that big a deal, and only took me 20 minutes to make the changes I needed from.
My book wasn’t a disaster, far from it, but I found it very curious how fast I went there.
No wonder my previous method of creation is to work in solitude. I created as an artist, on my own, until my work of art was ready to display.
I’ve been challenging myself recently to shake things up. Announce what I’m up to, show my process, and pull in some help.
That opened me up to some unintended consequences.
My take-away from the experience was going forward, all book feedback I receive from early readers I will only accept as part of a conversation (Zoom or telephone), so I can hear it within the context that the person is giving it. Not through my self-doubting lens.
This past week as the beta readers have started to give me their feedback, that’s exactly how I’ve done it, and it went a lot better. I could immediately agree with their points, find out where I could be more clear, make my notes, and be done with it. I spared myself of the self-doubt torture.
My lessons this week were about recognizing how quickly that self-doubt can show up, and coming up with a healthier way for me to receive feedback.
When does your self-doubt show up and what can you do to change that process in your own life?
