Today I was asked to reflect on what is going on.
I remember driving from Toronto to Chicago for the first time in 1995 to attend the Consumer Electronics Show for work. As we drove into Chicago, from the highway I had never seen such blight before, empty buildings with no windows, and then us in the car had a realization and spoke it: “There are people living in there!”
My other memory from that trip was that this show of 100,000 people, the only Black people I saw for the entire show were shining shoes.
I recounted to my children yesterday how George Floyd was killed over being accused of possessing a fake $20 bill. I shared with them what happens when I’ve had money that didn’t look right – the shopkeep said they didn’t like the look of it and handed it back to me. I probably used the money later at another store, because I don’t remember whatever came of that money.
When my oldest son was approaching high school age I supported him by applying to a couple of different “academic” high schools that had great STEM programs and he loves coding. They had exams to fill the spaces. I remember being there amongst hundreds of other parents and I saw only a single Black mom. These are public schools, not private. These are free to attend. I was there because our middle school principal had told us about them. I wondered who was telling the Black parents about these opportunities. But then I realized it was more than just about showing up for this exam, it is the years before that, of supporting the student so they have an interest in STEM and a foundational education and also a desire to be more. My son wanted to be there, I wasn’t tiger-parenting him into it.
Driving since I was 16 years old. I think I’ve gotten 2 speeding tickets in my life, and pulled over once for a headlight that was out. When I was broke and struggling, I drove without insurance for a year. I got pulled over once during the time because my license plate had expired. When I couldn’t provide my insurance, because I had none, the cop ticketed me for “not showing it” but did not fine me for not having any. He let me go and told me to take care of it.
On reflection, besides the craziness of driving with no insurance because I was desperate, I realize I did it because I wasn’t afraid much of being caught. Why would I be, the police hadn’t bothered me much before.
My story has me doing what it takes to make things happen, but no one was stopping me. I had every opportunity to realize every dream or vision I had. It saddens me that that isn’t true for everyone.
So, as I reflect this morning about the anger and rage and frustration on display I acknowledge I’ve just lived a different life. Without the fear of being killed, of having every opportunity to make something of myself, to give my children every opportunity we come across.
I also acknowledge the enormity of the challenge in front of us. There are no simple solutions for extremely complicated problems. People have to be safe from the police, but I think about “why” the police were called in the first place, why there was only 1 Black mom at the entrance exams.
Thank you for reading.
