I can’t remember when I first had the idea for my memoir, Requiem for my Rave. I realized at some point I had such a unique story and so much mayhem, it could fill a book. I think it was only as my DJ career was winding down did I realize I had an “ending” now and could start thinking about the book. In 2005 I spoke publicly about it for the first time, of my intention to write it.
I started the process of collecting research for it, making notes. And then it stalled.
A few years later I was away from home for an entire month performing hypnosis shows in Vancouver. I decided I would work on my book that month.
Something took over me, and every day I was able to write. I aimed for 2500 words in the morning and 2500 words in the afternoon. The school teacher who’s room I was renting couldn’t believe the output. Something about doing it then came together.
I got to the end of my first draft by the end of that month. Approximately 100,000 words. I put it away, went home, and nothing further happened with it.
I didn’t plan for 10 years to pass, but it did. My new webinar business took off and I had other priorities. A whole other chapter of my life was written.
It was only later when I reached my personal crisis of acute imposter syndrome and anxiety that I found myself in therapy. During my time in therapy I revisited some of my earlier trauma, both my childhood, and what I experienced during my rave years. The horror of having multiple people die at my events. Not by my hands but that I’d forever be attached to them. The unrelenting stress I lived through for over a decade. My trauma responses I developed as a child allowed me to soldier on through those later horrific events. However, they were now making my life miserable as I pulled away from everyone.
I was finally addressing them in a way that I could heal from. I later hired a coach, and she brought her own curiosity to my rave stories. It was then I was moved to look at my original manuscript. I was stunned by what I saw on the pages I wrote. The world needed to hear my story, and I was finally ready to tell it. Finishing my book became the most important thing to me.
Over the next several months my book was finished. The book was released November 19, 2019. 14 years after I started it.
All that matters now is that it exists. It’s in the world. It will be here after I’m gone. No one judged me for taking 14 years. It took as long as it took. The final product benefited from it, from my older wiser self looking back at my story and telling it from the place I’m in today.
More importantly, I re-integrated this earlier part of my life into my current self. Instead of seeing it as some thing I lived through a long time ago, I realized this is still who I am. It’s a part of me. An important part. I will always be the rave DJ, and that makes me special today.
Today’s article was again written from the prompt “What do I need to hear most right now?”, and it came to me to write about my book taking 14 years. I’m reminding myself of this as I work on 3 other books. They’ll be done when they’re done. I can give myself grace. And I know when they’re complete they’ll be the best version of them.
What long gestating projects do you have in your life? How has it benefited from taking this extra time?
Phil is a long-standing member of the Frolic 100 who just checked out my book, this is what he shared with me:
Wow.
Literally could not put the book down.
Just finished it.
I never attended a rave. Or a Hulla Event. Not my style. But it was amazing to hear your experiences and tribulations.
I literally SCREAMED at the point you mentioned “You weren’t making a lot of money, and decided to give the coat check to a friend so THEY could make money”. (And then Gordon screwed THEM out of it.)
A heartfelt book and one you had to write. I’m sure it was therapeutic to write, re read and edit…
Congrats to Robin and everyone who helped you, as well.
LOVED IT. Every damn page!
Requiem for My Rave is available now through Amazon.
This is Phil, who wrote the above comment.
If anything, I undersold the book. If you have Kindle, you know the moment you finish reading a book and delete it from your kindle? Don’t need that anymore!
Not this book. It’s staying on my kindle with a few other inspirational books for me to “dip” into every so often.
Thanks for sharing an amazingly true experience, Chris.