I’m not self-made

I came across a quote this week from Arnold Schwarzenegger about how he is NOT a self-made man, despite often being described as that. Everyone needs help and gets help to be a success. People like to say they are self-made, but leave out parts of their story. Usually those parts are not insignificant.

I like to think of myself as bullshit free, and I like to think of myself as self-made because I’ve dealt with a fair bit of adversity over my time that I pulled myself through. Just being more open about the times I’ve struggled is something new I’ve shared, instead of the narrative of having a charmed life of one success to the next.

It’s important to me to share those tough times, so that it might help people facing their own. I want to help people through this blog, not just blow smoke, and keep it authentic and honest.

I certainly didn’t start off rich, or with money given to me. I remember my father remarking once “All I know is you never came to me for money” and I was so grateful I hadn’t, knowing I got to where I got without him. I left home at 18 and have paid my own way since then.

So all of that part of my story is real and “self-made” by conventional acceptance of the term, but if I challenge myself, what ways did I get help?

I was given an opportunity when I was 12-years-old to experience a small business start-up. I was influenced by the audacity of the owners, and basically got an 8-year apprenticeship in business with my time with them, setting me up for my 20s and what was to come next.

I met Robin early in life and we worked as a team. Robin was always extra hands I could count on, jobs I could delegate, but more important Robin and I were able to share a future vision. We were both forward lookers, and Robin could get excited about my ideas and would support me in whatever ways I needed.

A family I was friends with rented me a room in their house for a year during the time when I left the video game chain, and before I found my way into DJing. I had lost my income, which meant I had to abandon the apartment I was renting, and had to find something far more affordable. They took me in for a rent I could afford, and I also got to share family dinners with them. It was in their home I became a DJ.

My uncle, Yuri, let me take over a small inexpensive office he was moving out of, that I set up my online record store in. The above family were moving, so I had to find a new place to live. The rent for this small office was affordable to me as I got started, and I could just sleep on the floor. Which I did for 2 years.

During those 2 years, I was able to drive to an aunt’s house about 45 minutes away to do laundry, sleep in a real bed, and get a break from my office for a night or 2.

People stepped up to help me in different ways. During my rave years, a lot of people loved my vision and supported me and it. There were a lot of volunteers, or just friends with specialist skills, like lawyers.

My biggest success came from collaborating with my business partner, Geoff. We were able to bring our collective skills at that time together, and as the saying goes the sum was greater than the parts.

Being a Canadian. I had good fortune being born in Canada. This actually I can break down into multiple things:

While I never did great in traditional school, I still got a good Canadian public education that set me up for life-long learning. My foundations were there.

The path of upward mobility was always open to me and I pursued it.

Free Health Care. This I feel is a biggy. By having this safety net of always being able to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Without worry of a bill or “copay”, I was free to pursue my entrepreneur dreams. No matter how broke I was. This became even more important later when I had a family. We struggled, but if my kids got sick, they could be taken in. I probably easily could have been one of the uninsured, if it was left up to me, and I’m glad I was liberated from that choice by having that health care net in place.

9 months of maternity benefits for Robin after she had our first kid. In Canada, a woman is eligible for 35 weeks of 55% income as long as she has accumulated 600 hours of paid work prior. We knew this, and Robin found work while she was pregnant to get her 600 hours. Sometimes it was tough to work pregnant, and sometimes it was hard for her to go in, but we made it work. So we benefited from Robin working, and then we benefited again from the maternity money that came in as I continued to work on the business.

“Baby bonus” money for low income earners. When my kids were very young, my income was so low we received baby bonus money from the federal government through their program. This was just automatic based on income tax filed. As my income grew, this money evaporated, but that was ok. It helped us when we needed it and was never the end goal.

Now as my income has grown so much, I pay horse-choking taxes, but I never would have made it without the above, so I’m actually quite happy to pay it back into the system and then some. I wouldn’t have made it without it.

This list is not exhaustive, but its a good acknowledgement that as much as my hard work paid off and made me who I am today, which is true, these other things are also true.

So, no, I will not say “If I could do it, you can do it” or “I got mine, now you get yours”. I must acknowledge that I did not literally do this alone, and won’t ever describe myself again as self-made. I must acknowledge the path I took and the help I got along the way. This motivates me to now help others as I can, because no one can do it alone and its a fallacy to claim otherwise.

I don’t believe any longer that ANYONE is “Self-Made”. Hell, if Arnold won’t take credit for showing up in America with $30 as Self-Made, then no one can, and no one should.

I don’t want to contribute to a narrative that just because I made a success of myself, it’s as easy for anyone else. Or “just do these 3 easy steps for success”. We all got help in different ways, and we should make efforts to help those that don’t have the same help.

Everyone’s journey is and will be unique. Mine included. So I didn’t get help from my father. Yay for me. But I wouldn’t have made it with all those other moments of help I got. I’m not going to pretend they didn’t happen to make me seem like some guru who has all the answers. I can serve you better by being honest, then you can figure out what YOUR path forward is instead of comparing against a mythic standard.

I’d like to retire that term. I think it’s harmful now, because these “Self-Made” stories keep getting told, just like mine easily could be, about how my father gave me nothing.

I’m more motivated than ever to help others.