My road to “success” (however you want to define that) was never a straight line. There were times of tremendous struggle. It’s well documented in my DJ memoir that despite the surface successes, I never figured out the financial part during that time of my life. I slept on the floor of my office for 2 years (I realize now that qualified me as literally “homeless”), but even after things started working I was still living very precariously.
A more difficult time, that I talk about less, was after I retired from DJing. I owed the government many hundreds of thousands in back taxes for avoiding filing taxes during my DJ days, and now with no more DJ income that led to a personal bankruptcy. I was starting the next chapter of my life with zero.
Even worse, unlike when I started out as a DJ, I was married and had 2 babies at home. It wasn’t just me I had to look after. From this place was where I had to build my comedy hypnotist career. I dealt with a lot of shame and struggle to support my family. Because of the recent bankruptcy I was ineligible for debt or credit cards, so I had to get really resourceful. In hindsight I’m grateful for not using debt as it reduced the hole I had to get out of. To this day I live a debt free life.
Later, after having achieved financial success in my life, I had other struggles that money couldn’t buy my way out of. I had an existential crisis 10 years ago, and 5 years ago my imposter syndrome was so severe (I call it my imposter crisis), I abruptly and messily left all active roles in the company I co-founded.
Someone asked me recently how I kept my optimism and mission alive during difficult times, and this is my answer for them:
Look at your problems as temporary. At no point did I think “this is my life now”. This was definitely true with my financial challenges, even though they went on for many years longer than I wanted. And even with my decision to leave my company, that was me trying to solve my problem (it did work, even if it took years to complete).
Think like a “tragic optimist” – acknowledge the reality, don’t deny it, and simultaneously acknowledge that possibility and goodness also exists. This is counter to “toxic positivity” which is to always look on the bright side. That can blind you from options and reality.
Keep your eye on the prize. There was something I wanted. The big dream. Earlier in life it was to be a home owner. I vividly remember one year being on tour doing hypnosis shows, simultaneously working on my webinar business in my down time, while Robin was home alone watching our babies (which was hard on its own). During my breaks I would watch home ownership shows on HGTV. I had single minded focus.
Understand that you have more control over your personal situation than any other one thing. I didn’t blame anyone or any outside force. I didn’t blame the government for my bankruptcy, or being banned from entering the US, or that there was a huge recession in 2008. I kept asking myself “What is under my control?” and focused on that. I use this lesson today when I tackle a wicked problem, such as climate change.
Give yourself time. Years. As many as it takes. I only appreciate where I am and the road I took by looking back. Right now I see these last 5 years as a chapter. I didn’t think I’d have taken 5 years to get to where I am right now, and I acknowledge that’s the time it took.
Practice gratitude for the small things. In 2019 I took this to a whole other level by calling it my “Year of gratitude” and came up with a list of over 700 items (by adding to it every day). If I can be grateful for over 700 things, how bad can I really have it?
What’s the one thing of greatest value you can take from this article to help fuel your mission and optimism?
