For the past few years, ever since I made the decision to step away from daily responsibility of the company I co-founded, I have been pursuing ideas of what I thought I should be doing. Basically making the world a better place. Aspiring to be selfless. Helping others.
Problem was, after a couple of years of this, I realized none of my ideas were taking root. I’d come up with great thoughts and ideas of who I can help and how I could do it, and then the idea would just die on the vine.
This repeated multiple times and I started to recognize the pattern. What was different this time is I’m no longer motivated by money. In the past, I had always needed to create a living. Working for money made life simple and easy to score.
Ironically, if my financial needs are met, it made life a lot more difficult in a different way. It lacked clarity.
I used to do things like put a money thermometer on my wall and fill it in. I had goals like owning a home for my family. Building an arcade in it. Renovating the back yard and building a pool.
But one day I lost the desire for more stuff. I was living a life of gratitude. So where do I go from here?
And then this past spring I had an epiphany – I need to be selfish. Not in the miser way or a dragon hording its gold, but in the way that I need to do things that feed me first. Things that excite me. Things that get my blood pumping. I should get clear on what’s in it for me, first.
I love reframing words and playing with language. To take this negative word, “selfish”, and flip it on its ear.
If I can be more selfish, the things I want for everyone else will just happen. The goodness will radiate out, from my place of strength.
It’s counter intuitive thinking, but the more selfless I tried to be, the less I accomplished. That in turn meant the people I want to help are less impacted because I’m just not motivated to follow through.
How can I be more selfish to help them?
So what falls into the selfish category for me these days? Well, one, avoiding the things I don’t want to do or doing things in a way I don’t want to do them. The flip of that means do what I want and go about how I want to.
If I’m going to do something like host a Zoom meeting, then I want to make sure I understand for myself how I’m benefiting from this, even though on the outside I appear extremely generous with my time.
I’m extremely selfish with my schedule. I value my free unstructured time and the time I have with my family. Whatever I do has to be in service of that. I hate making commitments to anyone or anything.
I like leading as a single voice, I’m not going to be part of an organization or team. I answer to no one. I’m going to do what I want, when I want, and not even ask.
I enjoying being on stage. Whatever stage that might be. These days that stage is my standing desk in my office with ring-light, mic and camera.
I accomplish incredible things when it feels fun to me. So whatever it is, needs to be fun, and not work.
And maybe money shouldn’t be something I should avoid. What if I created something of extreme value for someone that should be priced at every dollar I ask for? How does the money component feed my greater mission?
And to take that even further, what if I used money to make things fun? What if the audaciousness of pricing something at such extreme levels, the act itself, makes it fun for me and at the same time attracts the impactful people I want to work with?
From now on I make sure I’ve made it clear with myself what’s in this for me first, and trust that the good stuff will radiate out from there.
That’s how I’m making selfishness work for me, and only good things will come from it.
If you’re really honest with yourself, what are your selfish needs and how can getting clear on them serve everyone else?
