It’s hard to fathom, but I’m marking the 5 year anniversary of a pivotal point in my life. In October 2017, I reached out to my business partner and co-founder, Geoff, and made a very difficult phone call. I had been avoiding him for years, for reasons unknown to me at the time. I didn’t know what to do about any of this, but I knew that continued avoidance was not the answer. I invited him to visit me in Toronto so we could have a weekend pow-wow and discuss the future.
We had not seen each other in physical space since 2005. Our entire company was created remotely. Things were great for years, until I succumbed to anxiety, and my imposter crisis overwhelmed me and I basically was avoiding everyone.
I can remember pacing around my house, my heart racing, trying to summon up the courage to make that phone call. To finally admit this was untenable, and something had to change. That I didn’t have it in me to take the business to its next level. That I could barely keep it running as it stood. That I was living in a personal hell of my own creation.
Geoff, to his credit, was nothing but kind and supportive. He felt bad for me, that I was suffering so much. He challenged every imposter thought I had. He immediately supported me updating our “about us” page, so I got my fair public credit in the company story, rather that hide in the shadows as I had done and had been so destructive to me.
During that meeting, we started discussions of what the business would look like if I no longer played my role in it. I realized then I didn’t want any role. I wanted to be the “Wozniak” of this story. So that was the path that we created, and 5 years later the company runs successfully without me. I’m still a 50% owner and receive my share of those profit dividends.
Shortly after that meeting I found myself a psychotherapist, got involved in deep coaching, and see a couples therapist with my wife. My life changed.
This whole time I’ve been very impatient with myself, that I needed to answer the question of “What’s Next?”. However, I see now I’ve been living it this whole time.
These last 5 years weren’t exactly wasted. I’ve invested huge money and time in my own development. I looked it up, and a PhD takes 5-6 years. I feel like I’ve made a comparable investment – and did it my own way.
I’ve also published 2 books during this time, no small accomplishment.
And the main thing – I regret nothing.
I started and stopped several articles this week, and as my deadline hung over me, and I pondered whether to simply skip the article, this is the one at that came to me. A gentle reminder of patience.
It took me 5 years to get to this point today. Things take time. And what’s to come is only possible because of this investment I’ve made in myself during this time of my life. I feel more ready than ever to write my next chapter, my greatest chapter, and certainly to help others do the same.
You’re exactly where you need to be, is the reminder to myself, and to you, the reader.
