This topic is a little different than I normally blog about, but I thought I’d write about it. File this under “parental life hacks”.
I have 2 kids, aged 11 and 14. Like everyone their age, they love their electronics. As a parent this can be a hard place to find balance because the electronics are so good at what they do (occupy the young person, relieve the burden from a parent).
I feel like we’ve found a good balance, while still allowing the kids to get a lot of time with their devices. Here are some of the family rules we live by.
- All electronics put away at 8pm. They don’t use them close to bed time. Often after 8 is family TV time. We’ll all watch and share a show we all enjoy and we are all present as a communal experience which is special.
- For drives, no electronics for the first 30 minutes of the drive. Often we get to our destination before the 30 minutes is up. If the ride goes longer, then I’ll let them use it after the 30 minutes. Usually in those first 30 minutes we have some decent spontaneous conversations.
- For long road-trips, a 30 minutes on / 30 minutes off rule applies. They can choose to “bank” their 30 minute blocks, and combine them, if they choose. So, if I’m driving 4 hours, that would mean 2 hours of the ride is electronic free, and 2 hours they can use it. It’s a good compromise and like the above, it allows for spontaneous conversations.
- When eating at restaurants, electronics remain off until after they are done eating. This facilitates sharing time talking during the ordering and eating of the meals. After I’ll let them indulge because that lets the adults take longer with their meals and the kids aren’t getting bored.
- If they have a sick day from school there are no electronics until after the school day ends. Staying home from school is boring.
- They can have a cell phone when THEY figure out how to cover the monthly cost. That means neither of them have a cell phone. The best they have are iPod touches with wifi. My eldest son has determined that wifi is good enough and not worth paying a monthly fee for additional cell phone. He has learned to be resourceful and take advantage of wifi spots all over, including at subway stations. I can generally reach him by iMessage, and if he’s unreachable for a spell, well that is perfectly ok. We all lived without 100% connectivity not long ago.
- During summer vacations, electronics are scheduled for availability during the day, including long lunch breaks and no electronics allowed after a certain time, usually 5pm. That motivates them to take advantage of the evening hours with other activities.
The above list has been a good compromise. Both of my kids don’t feel anxiety when giving up their electronics because they are used to going without them for periods of time already.
The cell phone rule of “you get one when you figure out how to pay for it” has been a great lesson in learning what is really important and learning to live without the electronic leash. I avoided projecting my adult anxieties onto my kids avoiding the idea that they needed to be 100% in contact in case of emergency. We all managed just fine for almost our entire lives even with emergencies (what is a real emergency anyways?) and they are learning the same lesson.
I hope this list might inspire some ideas for your own family. Good luck!
